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| Conflict can separate people. Constructive conflict can build bridges. |
Conflict is unavoidable. Whenever you bring two people together, you will have differences. And as they say, it seems that opposites attract.
In the case of couples, for example, it can be a positive thing, when partners complement each other and build on one another’s strengths. But unfortunately, personal preferences, disappointing omissions or undesired actions can lead to frustration and arguments. The question is how each partner deals with their own reactions and resolves them with the other.
Churches also experience conflict over a variety of differences. Some are more significant than others. But that, too is in the eye of the beholder. Some may feel that the color choice for a new sanctuary carpet is trivial compared to deciding how to interpret Scripture in answering faith questions about contemporary issues, but to some it may be anything but.
As one church consultant has stated, conflict resolution may not be the real goal. What helps faith communities is to learn how to talk to one another about difficult topics. Too often congregations look for a quick fix, want a referee to make a decision, and remain unprepared to learn from difficult experiences.1
Systems theory is helpful in understanding that healthy relationships are established when individual members of a group take self-differentiated responsibility for regulating their responses to others or a particular problem at hand. Struggling churches likely are dealing with deeper, inner or inter-personal issues beneath the cause for conflict itself.
The way I see it, we can either deal with conflict constructively, calmly and respectfully, or we can let it become ugly, emotional and destructive. How we handle our differences as Christians makes the difference between turning people off or providing a witness about our faith.
Since the beginning of the church there have been important arguments and sadly splits. But in faithfulness to Christ’s Lordship of the church and to one another as sisters and brothers, we should strive for unity in essentials and building one another up in love. To that end, church members and denominations are called to seek understanding, humility and compromise.2
May Christ, the giver of ultimate peace beyond understanding, give you a spirit of peace for your approach to conflict.
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1 Craig Gilliam: Do we really need conflict resolution? https://www.faithandleadership.com/do-we-really-need-conflict-resolution?utm_source=albanweekly&utm_medium=content&utm_campaign=faithleadership
2 Michael Gulker: Conflict and Christian discipleship. An Interview about the Colossian Way program. https://www.faithandleadership.com/michael-gulker-conflict-and-christian-discipleship?utm_source=albanweekly&utm_medium=content&utm_campaign=faithleadership
